How Do I Help Others Prepare?

We had a very interesting, thought provoking email a few days back. Part of our response to this reader was, "Your email has created quite a bit of discussion in our house." It really has. Initially we started thinking of items that would be useful. Then we got to the point of lists of lists. But as we pondered and discussed it further we came to a realization.

You can't help someone 

who doesn't want to be helped. 

Here is the email we received.

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Hi Frank and Fern,
I have a question that I thought might appeal to some of your readers, as well as myself. I have been working for the last few years at becoming more self-sufficient, and am really ramping things up as I feel we are rounding the final corner. That said, my family has been watching me put up fence and raise animals and grind my own grain with a tolerant shake of their heads, but without much concern that I might be right about the future. So now that I see things really looming, I have realized that I need to at least make an attempt to insure that they have some of the basics that they will need. And finally to my question: what would you suggest putting into a "starter kit" that I could put together for a couple hundred dollars? I would like to make up a kit for my parents, and perhaps each sibling, or at least give them a list of where to start. I have the skills, and some of the tools necessary that I can teach/lend, but where to start for them? Lighting? Seeds? Water? Food storage? Canning supplies? Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!
Thanks,

[Name Removed]

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It is very admirable that this woman wants to provide starter kits for her family members, especially for family members that tend to just shake their heads and wonder if she will come to her senses someday. She asks some good questions about where to start. FEMA has lots of information on their website about creating disaster preparedness kits. So does the Red Cross and a number of other sites, including many, many blogs. Each individual family member's medical and dietary needs would drive the contents of a personal preparedness kit. Of course, at the top of everyone's list would be water. Then other items that may be needed or desired would depend on the individual, their location, age, physical condition, and on, and on, and on.

This may not be the type of information this woman was looking for when she wrote to us. But the more we thought about it and talked about it, we kept coming back to one basic foundational concept.

You can't help someone 

who doesn't want to be helped.

What we mean by this is that a person that truly doesn't foresee any disasters, downturns, collapses, catastrophes, or TEOTWAWKI (the end of the world as we know it) scenarios possibly occurring in their lives, will

not benefit from anything you can prepare for them. Why? Because it has no meaning or value to them. They have no use for any material items you may give them, because they will never need them. IT, a disaster, won't happen to them, maybe to you, but not to them. And if IT, a collapse, ever does happen, they probably won't be able to handle it mentally or emotionally, because IT wasn't supposed to happen in the first place.

For example. We have tried to give useful, functional Christmas gifts for many, many years. Almost every year the recipients give us that forced smile and say, Thanks. You can see in their eyes that they are thinking

more along the lines of, "What in the world did they give me this for?? I will never use it." Then there was the year we gave everyone heavy duty outdoor extension cords. Our brother-in-law opened it and said, "Great! Thanks! The rats just ate through my extension cord last night. This is just what I needed." Or another year when a nephew had just started to college. When he opened a set of Maglights he said, "Great! I needed a flashlight just the other day and didn't have one. Thanks!" Other examples of Christmas gifts we have given are fire extinguishers, small battery chargers, rechargeable lanterns, water storage containers, hooded sweatshirts and other items of this nature. But, most of the time, the kind of gifts we give just get tossed aside once people get home, never to be thought of or used again.

So, back to this person's question. What should she give her family? Our answer? Her continued vigilance and example of what it takes to be prepared, doing the work entailed in trying to learn and live a self-reliant

life style. Encouragement to learn, and gentle challenges to try a few new things, may be all she is ever able to do for these family members until the time comes. Then, it is almost guaranteed they will show up at her door, if possible, knowing that she was right all along. Knowing that they are not prepared and ignorant of the knowledge and skills needed to survive. Knowing that with their arrival, they are placing an impossible burden upon her for taking care of their needs, and in many cases their wants, as well. 

So, what advice can we offer this woman? That's a really tough question, and the answer will be colored by our own experiences, biases and opinions. We have long wrestled with the total lack of preparedness of our family members that live in this area. No matter what we say, do, or how

we live, there is not one, NOT ONE, of our family members that is in the least bit ready for the collapse of our society and world. And, you know what? We can't feed them all. It's impossible. We have read about people that say they will let everyone in and when they run out of food, they'll just all starve together. I'm sorry, but that's ludicrous. Just how long will that happy family get along all hunky dory when there isn't enough food? I'm not going to paint the picture of what will happen, but it won't be pretty, and not everyone will survive. Harsh? Yes, incredibly so. But true. Hiding from the truth of the starvation and deprivation that will come with a collapse of society will not change anything. It will still happen.

Our recommendation comes down to this. Instead of giving people something that they don't value, will not use, and will probably waste instead, store what extra things you can at home. Then sit down and do some very serious soul searching. If you cannot feed the people you are thinking of in your family in a collapse situation, then you need to decide

ahead of time who you can feed. Then once that decision is made, you have to come to terms with turning away those you can't, if they make it to your house. Another question to consider is, are you going to tell them ahead of time that they are not welcome at your house if a collapse occurs, because you will not be able to feed them without causing your own family to starve? Easy conversation? No. Will they believe you even if you tell them? Probably not. After all, it's not really going to happen anyway, and you are just one of those whacko prepper people that think the sky is falling. Just like Henny Penny. And they have never believed you anyway. Another very hard question. Are you prepared to do what is necessary for the survival of your family if they do show up and refuse to leave? Hard thoughts.

We are grateful for this woman's email. It has caused a lot of thought and discussion in our house. Please share your thoughts and ideas on this topic. We can all benefit from this conversation. The conclusion we have come to can be considered disheartening by some, but in the long run, we prefer to have a clear picture of the possibilities. We don't like to play head 

games with ourselves, and pretend everything will always be peachy and smell like roses. We have tried to share, teach, show, gently nudge and point out some of the markers of the coming collapse to our friends and family, and by writing this blog. But few there are that have come to see the truth of what is coming. While there are many that continue to be blinded by the distractions of the world, and choose not to see what is happening around them. We have been brought to this place and to this blog. We will continue to share what we have been shown in the hopes of reaching just one more person, that they might be ready. And maybe, just maybe, they can help one more person to be ready as well. 

Until next time - Fern